Wednesday, October 26, 2005

schlitzkreig

seven auditions in 2 days. so far i've booked one called "e-fan-gelist" and am on first right of refusal for another i'm calling "the lexington medical refrigerator bit".
in "e-fan-gelist" i am a mostly silent wingman to an SEC-manic. he preaches the gospel on time-honored traditions. sneaking booze into SEC football games. running nude quietly down the sidelines. affording pity on the ACC. my agent said they asked not to shave.
the fridge bit is tight. open refrigerator. sniff food. decide it smells okay to eat. BAM! medical coverage logo. the director and writer were there. i did the above scenario five or six times. they laughed at their material. outside in the waiting room sat eight very old women. all white-haired. all wearing a sweater and the same "can i get you anything, dear?" smile. if LA's cookie-cutter models are ripe grapes, these were their raisins.
i got in the car to drive home. i got almost home. my cellphone rang. the wanted to see me again. this was 4 pm. on a friday. i got gas and drove back. there were 2 accidents on the connector. back at the casting agency now were a dozen or more of the same child actor (grapeseeds). i stepped over a few of them drooling on the carpet and did the fridge bit ONE MORE TIME. this time they really laughed. not hard enough to book me tho. i spent 2 grueling, brutal hours in traffic spitting nails and gasping.
this morning i recorded five more spots for ford auto. same set up as before. except i was wrong about jon facenda. facenda is dead. our voice is earl mann,
one of the three new voices of the nfl. apparently campbell's soup was sued by the late jon facenda's son for doing a similar campaign using mann's voice. we did five spots today. me playing different fans. i'll try to get copies of these to post.
the kick ass news is this: one of the sound engineers at riot came into the studio.
"anybody here like hockey?"
i did not wait to see if anyone said yes. i was not polite. i did not care if anyone else was a fan. i am a fan. frankly, i answered his question. it would have been stupid to feign non-chalance.
"what're you doing this saturday?"
i had already planned on going to the thrashers home game. but now with his two tickets in the rich guy's section, i will enjoy every forecheck, puck on net and especially the gallon of beer.
thank you. oh dear christ in a cardboard box! thank you.
post data: i just booked lexington medical refrigerator bit. 2 in one day. in LA they call it vicodin.

5 Comments:

Blogger cruchic said...

i'm glad you weren't polite. it's in the hockey fan code of conduct, you know what i'm talking about.

10/26/2005 5:36 PM  
Anonymous anne said...

I think Bart is doing e-fag-gelist too. Also silent. He thinks he got the part because he wore a too-tight t-shirt. Say that 10 times fast.

10/26/2005 5:53 PM  
Blogger ablebody said...

sweet. the dynamic duo of cartoon network days of yore. tell bart i'm looking fwd to it.
what're u up 2 missy anne thang?

10/26/2005 6:35 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

HOCKEY IS AWESOME

screw them others, its a dog eat dog entertainment industraaaay

-KBRMA

10/27/2005 4:28 PM  
Anonymous Anne said...

Awwww shit! Bart got released from the shoot last night. They got who they really wanted. You? I'm up to no good, my friend. No good at all. When are you going to teach that improv class?? Hmmmmmmmmmmmm?

10/27/2005 6:46 PM  

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