fix'n to
guess what i auditioned for the other day. guess. go on. the character doesn't have a name, but is a form of human. something you might find smoking at a gas pump or stuck under a tractor. always holding a bottlerocket in its hand. pointing the wrong way.
need help?
they're found all over the south. maybe even exclusively in atlanta. cuz it seems like all i ever audition for is...
redneck!
made of buckshot and ropeswings. capable of pinning a dog on its back for 10 seconds. a fondness for trampolines and tobacco ensures he knows what the inside of a hospital looks like.
i witnessed one hurl a haymaker with the right arm and delicately cradle a tiny baby with the left. he missed his target, rotated a full 360° and, in the time it took for his world to spin around, had done some thinking and tucked the baby safely in to bed.
so here's to you redneck. i may never see the world through your half-crossed eyes. i probably won't make a pass at someone to whom i'm related. and i physically can't bring myself to eat souse. or look at it. but the next time i get a job portraying one of you heroes, i will definitely cash the check.
sa-loot!
need help?
they're found all over the south. maybe even exclusively in atlanta. cuz it seems like all i ever audition for is...
redneck!
made of buckshot and ropeswings. capable of pinning a dog on its back for 10 seconds. a fondness for trampolines and tobacco ensures he knows what the inside of a hospital looks like.
i witnessed one hurl a haymaker with the right arm and delicately cradle a tiny baby with the left. he missed his target, rotated a full 360° and, in the time it took for his world to spin around, had done some thinking and tucked the baby safely in to bed.
so here's to you redneck. i may never see the world through your half-crossed eyes. i probably won't make a pass at someone to whom i'm related. and i physically can't bring myself to eat souse. or look at it. but the next time i get a job portraying one of you heroes, i will definitely cash the check.
sa-loot!
posted by ablebody at 2:30 PM
6 Comments:
Have I mentioned my fondness for your prose? It's good. That's all I'm saying, man. It's good.
They won't even tell you what C-Loaf is.
They comment on the fact that most people don't know what it is. Then they don't tell you what it is.
i auditioned for a redneck on Thursday. Maybe it was the wife of the part you auditioned for. Patriotville?
I scratched my butt.
it was that movie whut dare not speak its name. i whipped my hat off and exclaimed tarnation.
aren't you more of a buckhead-type gone insane?
can I eat that pimento cheese sandwich you ben hidin in yur pocket?
can you blog about Chicagopalooza, thank you please!!
argh. i want to read more on here. that's passive aggressive for "you do more on here."
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