fix'n to

guess what i auditioned for the other day. guess. go on. the character doesn't have a name, but is a form of human. something you might find smoking at a gas pump or stuck under a tractor. always holding a bottlerocket in its hand. pointing the wrong way.
need help?
they're found all over the south. maybe even exclusively in atlanta. cuz it seems like all i ever audition for is...
redneck!
made of buckshot and ropeswings. capable of pinning a dog on its back for 10 seconds. a fondness for trampolines and tobacco ensures he knows what the inside of a hospital looks like.
i witnessed one hurl a haymaker with the right arm and delicately cradle a tiny baby with the left. he missed his target, rotated a full 360° and, in the time it took for his world to spin around, had done some thinking and tucked the baby safely in to bed.
so here's to you redneck. i may never see the world through your half-crossed eyes. i probably won't make a pass at someone to whom i'm related. and i physically can't bring myself to eat souse. or look at it. but the next time i get a job portraying one of you heroes, i will definitely cash the check.
sa-loot!

indie! your my best frieeeend! wake up indie!

it was. it was shot at barnsley gardens in adairsville. it was on a big wrap-around front porch replete with hornets. it was the interns housing. it was actually 3 old houses hammered together with planks. it was perfect for leslie's indie short too hot for summer.
the bathroom available to us was hidden in the civil war room. which is haunted by a ghost. so they took the doorknob off. the bathroom was criss-crossed with spider webs. scooby-doo was scared by the ghost, driven into the spider webs, and without a doorknob to get out yelled for raggy's help.
i was in my underwear nearly all day. as were leslie and maryk. not mine, theirs. too hot for clothes.
and when the rain came, not only were we refreshed by the coolness, but the tap-tapping on the tin roof made filmmaking impossible. it is possible that we didn't actually finish shooting the movie. it is possible something was missed. i mean, we got it all shot from at least one angle. when the sun was out. and parts of it from another angle. when the sun was blocked.
i'm in my underwear right now. ready for my close-up, mr. hooker.

this photo came to me as a file named “pussy wagon.” the cold reality is this is a still from an industrial shoot last wednesday (seen are maryk and myself). the monitor is a hi-tech actor-monitor. those numbers are real-time statistics on how well the camera subject is performing. maryk is actually pausing in this moment, has about nineteen minutes before her battery runs out. the monitor has accurately measured the distance of the MF (motherfucker) in the background as 29.5 ft.